family affair

My biggest sadness comes from family. You may look at a person that you know so well and never think that they are having issues at home: the smile, the laugh, the joy that is shown in public guarantees questions to be directed towards something less serious like how's school?, where did you buy that jacket? etc.
Concerns within the family is not something that is unheard of nor is it anything secretive. Lots of people come out in to the public with how there is domestic violence, bad communications or just lot of 'putting downs' amongst their family members. My family has issues, we're one of the most secretly dysfunctional family group that I probably know of. I don't know what's missing or what went wrong or where it went wrong or if it's part of God purpose, maybe my parents just aren't meant for each other. I wish I knew, I wish I can trace back to when my parents were first in love and follow them, watching them from afar and critique their relationship giving my parents pointers here and there. The culture of old Korea, I feel has ruined many relationships. The fact that males grow up with the idea that a female is lower than them really affects the relationship especially in a country where women rights were so fervently fought for.
I am not blaming the men of Korean descent if their marriage or relationships are bad but I am blaming the culture that was so faithfully held on to even by the women of the culture. As different my dad is from other Korean dads as in that he tries to change, he give it his all to be understanding, patient etc. somethings are just in their blood. To fight yourself of what you grew up with is a battle that can not be won. There must be so much inner tension within him; my dad. To have Korean culture shape him in a certain manner that follows a distinguishable fashion of hierarchy in the family and then to come to a land that is filled with free forming, the adaptation is more than just relating to the people, it's like trying to let go of a rope on a cliff knowing that you will land on a mattress that is there to break your fall but you're afraid of heights. Korean parents have a hard time letting things just be, to wear a leotard and be free and silly without worrying about their dignity being on the line is a question that has an answer without thought.
I worry much about marriage when I see my parents. Do I want to be married? Is there really someone out there that I can live with for the rest of my life without being bored and be faithful all my days? Does she really exist. If I do find a lady that I fall in love with, how can I trust the relationship to not go sour after 20 - 30 years of marriage when we are no longer physically attracted to each other, we have no more new personalities to show nor do we have any new interests to discover. The universe of our love has a beginning and end, it is not like this world where you can go on for eternity in to outer space and discover new and amazing findings. People are as simple as can be and will be peeled to its core in no time. So how can these relationships work til the end?


True Love. If you're christian, you would relate it to God showing true love by sending His One and Only Son to die on the cross for our sins. I would like to use this as analogy to my theory. There are numbers of stories where if the family is rich, they will break. Although not applicable to every rich person, however hold true to many families around me. There is deception, lies, distrust, greed and selfish motives and that is probably why most rich families have a hard time sticking together because money attracts our sinful desires. If you're a married man, money will attract beautiful girls. If you're a married woman, money will entice your heart to love materialistic things losing focus on what is truly important. The root of evil they say is money. I believe it. As much as I want to become rich, filthy rich, I fear it. True Love wit Jesus Christ works because there is suffering. When love is left alone and is soft and easy going because there is nothing to worry about or there are no conflicts to overcome, our love will easily fatten, lose its pace and long after things that will only contribute to it's selfish lazy thing so called love.

As much as I hate family struggles, I believe that if these obstacles were overcome with the ones you love. It can last til the end; as a runner must push him or herself to their limits, til their lungs want to burst open, til they throw up so that they can run a little longer the next time, a family will struggle together so that when a problem so big comes around, they will be able to handle it together.

I know that through these crazy family journeys that I do not enjoy, those long nights of yelling and tears falling there will come a day when God can use me to say to another struggling peer or father or mother, "stay strong for your family, stick with them and work it out slowly and patiently with much love because in the end you will have become a better person and a stronger a family."

sweet like honey to my soul