Life up to now from a few days ago.

Life has been interesting. I've been doing some stuff. I've been working a lot. I have been working for GPYC for the past month and a half or so. It's been ok. It seems impossible at time but my dad pushes me to get things done and I feel like i can catch up. only if I can catch up with my hospital bill.
Something great happened to me. I just officially became the manager of "The Nehemiah Band". I'm really excited but at the same time I'm afraid of failing. what if I can't get gigs for them, what if I don't do a good job, I don't want to fail anyone. But who cares, sometimes we just need to dive in to what we do and let our selves work. I'm really excited because this means that I get to meet a lot of cool people. I honestly want to be that guy that knows everyone everywhere and I can get people in to clubs and stuff. haha, i don't know. when you just hear it, it sounds kind of dumb but it's really fun. I went to a club called Cinespace. It was real cool but I had to wait in line. I might also be starting a T shirt company with them and we'll collaborate and call it "The Nehemiah Brand". i don't know how its going to work out but it sounds real fun. I'm excited for it all.

I'm in Boston.

It's really cold here. I love it. I love the cold. It's piercing if you stay out too long but I love it. Everyones really white here. The white people I mean, they're very white. Ria's friends are here. It's kind of weird, my first time meeting them. They're just talking and I'm on the side typing. They're talking about killing someone, i think its a game that they're playing. Stef and Ellice are sleeping. I should be sleeping too but I can't. i 'm so tired though. I'm gonna have a tiring day.


I get so cranky when I'm tired. sooo craky... especially against girls. and guys. I need a puppy here.

life sucks sometimes

Today was interesting. My life isn't that interesting. Today actually wasn't that interesting if I think about it. I didn't do anything. My life in fact is kind of ugh at the moment. I sleep late, I wake up late. not the life that I want. I can't help it. I stayed home all day and missed "work". Didn't talk to my dad today. Did Yoga... found out that a friend found out that I talked to his ex girl friend.. not becaus eI like her but because she's my friend. tired of it. tired of drama. so stupid... I called a girl that I used to like... it was a short coversation. lame. its all good.

I feel so nasty... sooo sooooo nasty. My room is messy, I can't do anything. I'm stuck.. I can't get out of this funk.. I need to go on a fast.. My spiritual life feel sooo nasty. its aligned with my physical life. Slob. Fat. Ugly. ugh, I can't take it. I would be really embarassed and would hate myself if Jesus came and saw me right now.. he sees me but if he was here physically... if today was the day he came down. I wouldn't be in a good situation.

I really need God. I feel so far from him... So close yet so far... I go to church, praise team and want to be more involved but I can't even get my own spiritual life or my physical life together. Would it have been different if I just went to a real university? How am I gonna get rich like this? I need to break this before I really grow up.. I don't want to be a lazy husband or father. This is such bs.. I really hate myself right now.

If I was someone else, I would yell at me and slap me.

It may sound crazy but its true... I'm heading towards destruction... total destruction.

my fatass needs to lose weight too.

when the time comes.

Everything in life... when the time comes, will come in to place.
Jesus will come when the time comes.